Mr. Dickerson. That name may not sound familiar to you, but it struck fear in the hearts of Zack and the gang. He was mean, sarcastic, yelled at his class, always graded hard, and even gave students nightmares before tests (unfortunately he was a history teacher on the show, like myself, thereby continuing the mythical stereotype of history teachers...thanks a lot Mr. Dickerson). Thankfully he went crazy, literally, and Mr. Belding's brother comes to save the kids by having kids tear up their test and then decide on their own grade (yeah, because that's realistic). But Mr. Dickerson serves as a reminder of how important kindness is in the classroom.
My three-year old daughter started preschool a few weeks ago. For the first couple of days, she enjoyed playing with new toys, tracing, showing off her Elmo backpack, and eating animal crackers for snack time. But when she went back the second week, everything changed. She cried as we left and the teacher needed my wife to come back to calm her down. When we tried the next day, she clung to my wife and wouldn't let go as they walked to the door. At first, we assumed she was just having anxiety (she is young and has never done something like this before), but being scared is not natural for my little girl. After talking to her and her teachers, we discovered that she was feeling lonely and hurt herself on the playground one day, and was just having a hard time adjusting to a whole new experience. The teacher, after noticing my daughter's tendency to want to hold a hand or an adult's leg when she's nervous, asked my wife if she was too accustomed to physical affection at home and suggested that perhaps that may not be a good thing for her when she's away from us!
To be honest, I'm kind of proud of the fact that my daughter is used to hugs and kisses. It means that she feels loved and safe, and when something goes wrong (like falling off a slide or dancing into a wall...which yes, she has done), she knows that Mommy or Daddy will be there to comfort her. That gives her a sense of peace and confidence where she's willing to be adventurous and uninhibited. So how can I recreate that atmosphere in my classroom? I want my students to feel assured and know that I truly care about them. After all, how many times have I witnessed how my treatment of students directly impacts their performance? If I give students reasons to fear me, like a Mr. Dickerson, how can I ever expect them to want to do well for me? My little girl's unease about preschool caused her to not want to go back and she was less willing to do the work her teachers asked of her. The same is true for students of any age. It seems like a no-brainer...kids will respond positively to a teacher's kindness and respond negatively when they are afraid.
Sadly, though, I have experienced and talked to teachers who think that kindness if overrated in the classroom. They think being friendly isn't necessary nor important and they even seem to enjoy the superiority over students that accompanies fear. Yes, I understand that you always run the risk of student's trying to take advantage of your kindness, but compassion and generosity doesn't mean that you let kids walk all over you. I believe that its time to give more "hugs" and "kisses" in our classrooms (of course not literally...we all want to keep our jobs). Our students deserve our smiles, encouragement (don't be afraid to be a cheerleader, even if you're a guy!), high-fives, fist-bumps, and laughs. In the end, the results will speak for themselves.
